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Last November, I was raped. Twice.
It was date-rape, and for a long time, I kept it to myself; wouldn't even tell my folks. I just wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, but you can't run from your problems and ignoring something never makes it go away.

Eventually the stress caused me to snap. I went berserk. I cut off over 14 inches of my hair, leaving it a very short bob (though I did end up donating the hair to "Locks of Love"). I took as many of my Robaxins as I could (each pill is 500mg, and I took about five of them), as well as all my Kolonopins that I could. I hoped that I would over-dose and die. When that didn't work, I got my hair wet, put on a racer-back and a pair of shorts and went outside (it was the dead of winter--late December early January) hoping to freeze to death. I was found and, against my will, brought back in and put under suicide watch.

Finally, I elected to tell my mother what had happened. I had to do so in a letter, as I couldn't even bear to say the words. I was ashamed of myself for what had happened; felt like it was my fault, felt like a whore, felt stupid and weak. My mother, as to be expected, told my dad what had happened. Since then, I have told other family members (including "family" that aren't related to me like my "Aunt" Kelly and my "Uncle" James). I was starting to feel better, starting to move past this on my own.

Then, the proverbial shit hit the fan. For an assignment in one of my classes, I had to keep a journal of my thoughts, feelings, and the happenings of the day. I did not know that I had to turn it in for it to be read--I thought that it was personal. My professor saw that that had happened from one of my entries and informed the Dean. I was called into the Dean's office. He suggested to me that I seek help from the Bluegrass Rape Crisis Centre.

Thinking that that would help me, I went and asked for assistance. I was sent to a therapist. I thought it would fix me, but it has made me worse. In each session, she would make me relive it, talk about it. Pick that scab open. It has made me far, far worse than I was before. Before, I was just a bit uneasy around men that I perceived as a threat (big guys, guys that look mean, pervy-looking guys), but after talking to her, there are only four men that I trust outside of my own family. I often feel anger and resentment towards men that I had never felt before, sometimes even lashing out at my own father. The therapy was intended to fix me, but instead, it only served to break me further.

I can barely even watch any sort of action or horror movie because I am afraid that there will be a rape-scene in it (as those have become far too prominent in films these days and really should stop) and it will cause me to panic--serve as a trigger and ruin me for the rest of the day. I used to love horror and action films, but I am anxious, now.

I know that I am just some anonymous person on the internet and that none of you will likely care or even read this, but I felt like I should share.
  • Mood: Worried
So, I am now a non-smoker. It was a rocky road, but I quit. Thanks, Wellbutrin. Not only do you help my depression, but you helped me kick a habit that would have killed me.
Two sets of colourful aliens by MissNemesisFace
Two sets of colourful aliens
Here, we have the Space Goofs, a group of aliens that crash-landed on Earth and can't quite figure out how to return to their home-world. The show originated in France, I think, and I remember it only being on the air a short while in the USA (around 1997).

*Etno is the violet one and the leader. He often created inventions, but they often broke or didn't quite work as planned.

*Candy is the green, effeminate one. He is very up-tight and is a neat-freak.

*Stereo is the two-headed red one. He listens to music a lot and is a bookworm, but he seems to learn about things that don't really help the group. Though I did not know this until just recently, there was a second season, and he was cut from it. :(

*Bud is the tall orange one. He is lazy, dopey, and naive. He likes to spend a lot of his time watching TV and drinking pops.

*Gorgeous is the fat blue one. He is a bully and a glutton. He is also very greedy and grumpy and more aggressive.

--Beside them, we have the Nerdlucks, the adorable little aliens from Space Jam who later transmogrify themselves into the Monstars using the talents they stole from five NBA players in the 1996 film.

*Pound is the fat orange one in the green bow-tie. He is the leader of the group and tends to be a bit grouchy, bossy, and demanding.

*Nawt is the tiny red one with the yellow bow-tie. He doesn't seem to have much of a personality compared to the others, other than being cute, and being cute is not a personality. The wiki says that he is more hot-headed than the others, but I don't see it, personally.

*Blanko is the tall blue one with the pink bow-tie. He is dopey and laid-back, but seems to be the most kind-hearted of the five. I think he and Bud would get along well, no (though Bud would TOWER over him)?

*Bang is the green one with the orange bow-tie. He is the "second in command" and is aggressive, yet seems more nervous and anxious than the others.

*Bupkus is the stocky violet one with the yellow bow-tie. He is naive and cheerful and seems to have a hard time controlling his emotions.


Well, there we have it. The ten aliens I ADORED as a little girl.

The Space Goofs were created by and belong to Jean-Yves Raimbaud and Philippe Traversat
The Nerdlucks belong to Warner Brothers
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MissNemesisFace's Profile Picture
MissNemesisFace
Nicole
United States
I'm 26 and a college student. I really don't enjoy college. It's not that I'm a bad student--on the contrary--I have maintained a 3.0+ GPA since I began four years ago. College is tiring for me. Boring, even. It is hard for me to "pick" a major, so I have "bounced around" from major to major for the past four years and spent three as an English major. Now, I'm a business major. It bores me to tears.

I am not much of an artist, per se, but I am creative and artistic in my own way. My skill lies with the written word instead of drawings, but I do like to sketch and cartoon. However, it doesn't mean that I cannot appreciate the fine works of art that I (sometimes) see on this site. Some of you are really fantastic artists and I am happy for you that you have such a talent. This is the primary reason I have this account--I have submitted little art, but I like looking at the art-works of others; admiring the hard-work put into their pieces. This account makes it possible for me to find art that I like much more easy than it would be otherwise. I am also a puppeteer and have performed some. I work with hand-puppets, and make them all myself. I have the patterns drawn up for a new one that I will begin work on some time. It is a female puppet and I call her "Boneka", which is Malay for "puppet". As with the Puppetmon puppet, I will post pictures of her as I work on her, so look forward to that.

I also enjoy doing dramatic readings of epic badfiction and have a Youtube channel dedicated to such.

A bit of a note: Despite being American (in truth, I've never left my home state), I prefer to spell things the "English way"--for instance, the word "colour" just looks wrong to me without the "u".

Though I am getting older (sometimes, I feel like a woman twice my age--such is arthritis), I am fond of "childish" things, like cartoons (though I have not had cable in 10+ years and really dislike television. My favourite television show is the American version of "The Office", though I also like "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia"). I am a big fan of Pokemon (have been since 1998--my favourite of the beasties is Hitmonchan) and I love Digimon Adventure and Adventure 02--but only in Japanese. I also play D&D and M:TG, though it has been a long time since I've played either of those.

I am fond of The Elder Scrolls series, The Fallout Series, The early Silent Hill series, the early Resident Evil series, and a number of other games. I grew up on Zelda and Final Fantasy.

The current picture isn't very accurate. I recently cut my hair off very short (over 14 inches of hair) and donated it to "Locks of Love". I'll get a new one up soon. Busy, busy, busy.

Current Residence: Kentucky

Favourite genre of music: Rock, Old Punk, Grunge, Classic Rock, Hard Rock, Metal, Smooth Jazz, Folk, Soul. My favourite band is Radiohead.

Favourite style of art: cartooning, but I am very fond of landscapes and realistic portraits of real people and animals. I really admire people who can draw realistically. It is quite a talent.

Operating System: Windows 8

MP3 player of choice: My smart phone. I have a 16 gig micro SD card in there and have it loaded with music. I really do like my phone. It is an LG 800G, I believe. I am too lazy to be arsed to check.

Wallpaper of choice: Currently, I have a picture of derelict old farm-house. I love spooky old black and white photos of abandoned buildings. My wallpaper changes frequently, though.

Favourite cartoon character: Alucard of Hellsing (especially in Ultimate and the manga)

Personal Quote: "That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die" - H. P. Lovecraft
Interests
Last November, I was raped. Twice.
It was date-rape, and for a long time, I kept it to myself; wouldn't even tell my folks. I just wanted to pretend that it didn't happen, but you can't run from your problems and ignoring something never makes it go away.

Eventually the stress caused me to snap. I went berserk. I cut off over 14 inches of my hair, leaving it a very short bob (though I did end up donating the hair to "Locks of Love"). I took as many of my Robaxins as I could (each pill is 500mg, and I took about five of them), as well as all my Kolonopins that I could. I hoped that I would over-dose and die. When that didn't work, I got my hair wet, put on a racer-back and a pair of shorts and went outside (it was the dead of winter--late December early January) hoping to freeze to death. I was found and, against my will, brought back in and put under suicide watch.

Finally, I elected to tell my mother what had happened. I had to do so in a letter, as I couldn't even bear to say the words. I was ashamed of myself for what had happened; felt like it was my fault, felt like a whore, felt stupid and weak. My mother, as to be expected, told my dad what had happened. Since then, I have told other family members (including "family" that aren't related to me like my "Aunt" Kelly and my "Uncle" James). I was starting to feel better, starting to move past this on my own.

Then, the proverbial shit hit the fan. For an assignment in one of my classes, I had to keep a journal of my thoughts, feelings, and the happenings of the day. I did not know that I had to turn it in for it to be read--I thought that it was personal. My professor saw that that had happened from one of my entries and informed the Dean. I was called into the Dean's office. He suggested to me that I seek help from the Bluegrass Rape Crisis Centre.

Thinking that that would help me, I went and asked for assistance. I was sent to a therapist. I thought it would fix me, but it has made me worse. In each session, she would make me relive it, talk about it. Pick that scab open. It has made me far, far worse than I was before. Before, I was just a bit uneasy around men that I perceived as a threat (big guys, guys that look mean, pervy-looking guys), but after talking to her, there are only four men that I trust outside of my own family. I often feel anger and resentment towards men that I had never felt before, sometimes even lashing out at my own father. The therapy was intended to fix me, but instead, it only served to break me further.

I can barely even watch any sort of action or horror movie because I am afraid that there will be a rape-scene in it (as those have become far too prominent in films these days and really should stop) and it will cause me to panic--serve as a trigger and ruin me for the rest of the day. I used to love horror and action films, but I am anxious, now.

I know that I am just some anonymous person on the internet and that none of you will likely care or even read this, but I felt like I should share.
  • Mood: Worried

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:iconwhirlpool24:
Whirlpool24 Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Aw thanks for the fave. :)
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:iconbeautifulmonster1318:
beautifulmonster1318 Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the favs!!! ^.^
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:icondisneyandzimfanatic:
DisneyandZimFanatic Featured By Owner Sep 29, 2014   Traditional Artist
LoveThank you for the fave+fav on my "My 1st Nerdlucks DrawingPixel Rose 
Rainbow Rose 
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:iconthefranksterchannel:
TheFranksterChannel Featured By Owner Sep 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hello there, thank you for the fave.
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:iconthetweedletwins:
TheTweedleTwins Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Hello! Thanks so much for the :+fav:! It means a lot!

While I am here, I am going to shamelessly promote the contest I am currently hosting, if you don't mind. The theme of the contest is to design prom outfits for my selected OC couples.If you, or anybody else reading this post, is interested, please  click here for more info.

Thanks again!

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:iconpallidapapillio:
PallidaPapillio Featured By Owner Jul 8, 2013
Thank you for the favorite!
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:icongreasy-lucarioyun:
Greasy-LucarioYun Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2013  Student General Artist
greetings from the Wood Bros.!

:icongenoplz::iconnuzleafplz::iconwoodmanplz::iconpuppetmon:

...or the Ragnoria Heroes :iconyaomingmemeplz:

:iconado-the-artist::iconadeleineplz::iconnitori-plz::iconskullgirlspeacockplz:
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:iconmsilvestre:
msilvestre Featured By Owner Jun 25, 2013  Professional General Artist
Appreciate the :+fav: on [link] a while back!
:fuzzydemon:
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:icondanitheangeldevil:
Danitheangeldevil Featured By Owner May 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Thanks for the :+fav:.:)
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avispaneitor Featured By Owner May 13, 2013
thanks for the faves my friend
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